Sit Down Children And Ima Tell You A Little Story... This Particular Story Is True, And Took Place At My Work (Concord BMW Dealership Where I Am A Photographer) On Sunday June 26th 2010 @ About 6:25 (Sorry About The Lateness Of This Post I Had To Allow A Couple Of Days To Appreciate The True Hilarity Of The Story.) On This Particular Sunday I Had A Whole Flock Of Beemers To Photograph So I Decided, Even Though The Dealership Closes At 7pm, To Stay Until My Eight Hours Were Up At 6:30. I Work In A 3 Story Building Called The Annex And My Office Is On The Top Floor Of Said Building. Usually The Building Would Be Full Of All Sorts Of Dealership Types, But Not Sunday; Sunday Its Just Me And That Damned Elevator! So As Im Leaving I Stopped At The Second Floor To Turn The Lights Off And Save My Company Some Energy Moneys. I Was Currently Engrossed In Tool's Lateralus At The Climax Of The Song Reflection, So When I Got Back Into That Silver Casket To Descend To My Freedom I Didnt Notice The Buzzing Emenating From The Control Panel... After A Foolish Minute Of Waiting For The Door To Open As It Would Normally, I Took The Music Out Of My Ear And Became Alarmed When I Realized That The Elevator Was Screaming! I Pressed All Of The Floor Buttons Which Lit Up Accordingly, However Would Not Enable Me To Descend!
So Ever The Patient Person I Proceeded Not To Panic. When I Was Absolutely Certain That I Couldnt Force This Elevator To Let Me Out Of Its Deathgrip, I Pushed The Emergency Call Button And Was Immediately Put In Contact With Someone At The "OTIS" Elevator Company... (It Felt Like I Had Called 911) She Seemed Skeptical When I Told Her I Was Trappen In One Of Her Machines, And Asked Me Had I Ever Pressed The Door Open Button? "Uh, Yeah, I Pressed All Of The Buttons, Baby." I Patiently Replied. "Okay, Let Me Attempt To Get In Contact With Someone At The Dealership So They Can Come Let You Out." (Paraphrase Of Course.) Relieved By The Simplicity Of The Proceedure I Replied:"Okay, Sounds Good Sweetheart." After 15 Minutes Of Waiting To Hear Her Darling Voice Once More, And Calling All Of My Closest Friends To Inform Them Of The Current Catastrophy At Hand And Getting Nothing But A Hearty "That Sucks Bro." From All Of Them, She Finally Called Me Back With News That You Didnt Have To Be Clairvoyant To Forsee:"No One Is Answering At Your Dealership... I Left A Message, And They Might Call Back, But For Now Im Gonna Go Ahead And Send One Of Our Techinicians Your Way To Let You Out..." AWESOME!!! A Technician Would Assist Me In Escaping My Stainless Steel Coffin... "Do You Know When He Might Be Out Here, Darlin?" I Patiently Queried. "Nah Dawg, Just Chill.(In So Many Words...) I Wont Know Until I Get In Contact With The Technician. Then I Will Call You Back..." "Okay Sweet Thang." "You Cant Even Give Me An Estimate Angel?" My Patience Was Waning, As You Could Tell..."Nah, Ill Let You Know When I Talk To Him." Oh, Okay.:(
SO After Another Fifteen Minutes Of Waiting For My Girlfriend To Call Me Back On The Emergency Line, And Noticing The Smell Was Fairly Unpleasant And The Heat Was Getting To Be Unbearable I Got The Call I Was Waiting For... "So, A Technician Will Be There In Around An Hour..." "WHAT?" I Could Not Mask My Surprise. "Hes On Another Call, Hell Be There As Soon As Possible, But It Could Be At Least An Hour Probably More." "Okay Then, Bye." My Patience Was Exhausted, I Had Set A Predetermined Limit For How Much Time I Would Spend Consecutively In One Elevator, And An Hour+ Was Far Beyond Thoses Limitations... I Just Wanted to Go Home.
Well, Since I Was Going To Be Here For A While, And Since No One I Knew Was Capable Of Helping Me, I Guess I Better Just Roll With It. But Then! Eureka! An Idear. Ive Seen Numerous Movies That Have Documented Elevator Escape In One Way Or Another (Blankman, Mission: Impossible, Many More...) And It Always Seemed To Involve A Trapdoor Above The Lights In the Ceiling Of Said Elevator. I Would Just Shimmy My Way Into The Shaft And Make A Daring Escape All On My Own! I Was Not Helpless, My Love Of Ridiculous Movies And Tendancy For Remembering Trivial Aspects Of Them Would Help Me Out Of This Jam!!! SO Proud, But OH, WAIT!!! WHY IS THE FUCKING TRAPDOOR LOCKED? WHATS THE DAMN POINT!!!!! Oh Gosh, I Am Helpless!!! A Caged Rat, A Fish In A Barrel, An Ostrich At The Olive Garden. Helplessness Is Not My Favorite Quality! I Like To Be Able To Help Myself And Others Whenever Possible. And Now Not Only Was I Helpless, But I Wasnt Being Helped. Bully.
Resigned To Helplessness I Took My Shirt Off, Rolled Up My Pants And Watched "Always Sunny In Philidelphia" On My IPOD. It Was Fine, I Guess. I GUESS. It Could Have Been Worse... Someone Could Have Been In There With Me. Or Even Worse, Someone I Didnt Like Could Have... Luckily I Like Myself Plenty Fine, So It Wasnt Unbearable Even Though It Was A Nightmare. For The Remainder Of The Total 1:45 I Was Trapped, I Just Sat There Cursing Names And Considering What To Do With My Looming Freedom! How Would I Adjust To Life In The Outside? What If Things Had Changed Signifigantly During My Incarceration? While I Was Thinking These Thoughts Quietly To Myself The Otis Technician Knocked On The Elevators Steel Door To Make Sure It Wasnt Some Stupid Immature Prank. "No" I Assured Him, I really Couldnt Get Out Of There. So, Casually Enough, He Let Me Out... My Reception Party Was Weak To Say The Least, Literally Nobody Had Come To Wait To See My Pretty Face Once More!!! Until, Like A Firefighter Coming To Sweep Up The Ashes Of A Burned Down House, Slim Brunson Rides In Right As Im Walking To The Cougar! Talk About A Rescue. "Dont Worry About It Slim" I Said... And For All This, I Was Awarded Two Whole Hours Overtime, Several Inappropriate Chuckles From Co-workers And Friends, And A New Nickname: "Hey, Youre That Guy That Got Stuck In The Elevator!" I Prefer My Old Nickname: "Hey ASSHOLE!" Thanks For Listening, And Not Laughing, At Least Not Out Loud! LOL!!! Love, Always And Forever, ANTONIO MICHAEL "Hey, Youre That Guy That Got Stuck In The Elevator!" SILVERA 6/30/2010
Hey Tone,
ReplyDeletehaving worked in the food service and fine dining industry my self for a number of years now. I have had the pleasure of being stuck in 2 different elevators for about and hour each.
the first time was in oakland. We were delivering chairs. Good thing because you wanna have a comfy seat when you get stuck in an elevator. I was ok about it, but my hulking bulky built like an ox coworker kinda freaked out. I had to console him so he wouldnt wreak his shaft i mean our shaft. The elevator shaft that is.
The second time was up in the mountains. On the oldest operating elevator box west of the Mississippi. Well it was so old it would break down on the daily. And I came to know the otis boys quite well. They all seem to have no sense of urgency and a weight problem.
any way til next time.....Thumpus...